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Why I’m Okay with Being a Stay-At-Home-Mom

I decided I wanted to be a mom when I was five. It was around that time I also decided I wanted to change the world…and become famous. Looking back, it appears I wanted to become some sort of hybrid between June Cleaver and Oprah Winfrey. Daytime television can be pretty influential. With that in mind, I should probably limit my son’s exposure to Paw Patrol. Though if he decides he wants to grow up to be a crime-fighting dog, I promise to always support him.

The dream of being June and Oprah were always an attainable goal. I grew up in a time where women were encouraged to never settle for less, where our futures were bright and (almost) equal. So, for six years I tackled life as Oprah. I completed two post-secondary degrees, engulfed myself in my career and made it a priority to give back to my community. It was during this time I met my husband, a wonderful man who shares my same ambition and values in life, especially when it comes to family. We welcomed our first child a little over a year ago, and that’s when I finally got to experience myself as June.

For awhile, Oprah and June struggled to find balance. Mothering instantly found a tender place in me, yet part of me yearned to be valued outside the four walls of my home. Then the time came for me to leave my sweet boy and return back to the workforce. And while I had every intention of being Oprah and June in unison, my new perspective on life made the transition even harder than I imagined.

For six long weeks I tried to fake it till I made it. Everyone said my son would adjust to daycare – and he did. They said I would find my groove and learn simple ways to make it work – and like Stella, I got my groove back. They also said it would get easier, but it never got easier for me. Actually, those six weeks were some of the hardest weeks of my life.

Those six weeks helped my husband and I define the upbringing we really want for our children. We had endless conversations about what’s truly important to us and what lifestyle we really want to live. Those conversations led to the very significant decision that I would leave my job and become a stay-at-home-mom. A decision that came after much thought and planning on how we would make it work relying on only one income and my freelance work. A decision that came with weeks of analysis and budgeting, and years ahead of sacrifice. With that being said, at the end of the day this decision wasn’t based on numbers (though it was a huge deciding factor), it came down to lifestyle and my feeling of accomplishment.

When making this decision I really struggled with finding the answer to three questions:

Does being home with my family mean I’m not accomplishing my dreams?

Does it make me a lesser person because I couldn’t handle life as a working-mom?

Should I feel worthless because I seek a future with my family and it goes against everything I’ve worked so hard for?

In taking time to soak in this big decision, I’ve realized the answer is no. I’m not saying I won’t go on to be Oprah one day (#RememberMyName), or that I won’t continue to work hard to pursue my dreams as a writer. What I’m saying is that I’m going to be proud of  being true to myself, proud to seek a path that makes my family and I truly happy.

At some point all mothers face this cross-road in parenting. We come up for air and realize there will always be something in our life that has to be sacrificed. We must redefine who we are—all with less sleep, clarity and the greatest responsibility that we have ever had to assume. At the  very same time we’re constantly questioning if we could be doing it better. We hold guilt over snapping too easily, not engaging the way we think we should, having unwashed dishes in the sink and unfolded laundry in the dryer.

It was living moments like this every single day for six weeks that made my husband and I consider what we really needed versus wanted in our life. If vacations can wait, if cars can be driven into the ground and if I take a crash course in extreme couponing we can each place ourselves in the role we truly want – and for me, that role is mom.

 

 

 

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12 Comments

  1. Very true words. I remember the rush of excitement I felt when the final decision was made to leave the corporate world and stay at home. I haven’t looked back yet!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Rush of excitement is such a great way to describe it! For me I felt a huge weight off my shoulders – the feeling almost indescribable.

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  2. mjndiaye says

    Kudos to you for following what you wanted. I’m torn between wanting to work away from home, yet also would love being a SAHM. I’m not sure financially if I’ll ever be able to stay home full-time, but I won’t give up the dream. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing yours! This was a decision I wish I could have made a year ago but the cards weren’t in place to let it happen. There’s a good chance in time you’ll be able to do the same 🙂 Keep working towards it,and searching for opportunities to give you the balance you’re looking for. You never know when they just might show up!

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  3. I have been a stay at home mama for the past 3.5 years of my life. So this post speaks to my heart. When we had our first, I decided to quit my job (even though I had just received a promotion) and stay at home with my babe. It was the easiest decision I have ever made and I wouldn’t go back and change it for a thing. Although being a stay at home mama is not easy, it is so worth it. I constantly struggle with the thoughts, “Am I good enough? Am I contributing enough to our family? When will I be able to pursue my career?” But then I wake up to my babes faces in the morning and realize that I don’t have to be anywhere but home and it gives me a breath of reassurance :)! Keep on keeping on mama, we all gotta stick together!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for being so real! I think you speak for a lot of SAHM’s who struggle with those thoughts as well (myself included). On the flip side of that, if we were working we’d be struggling with other things (am I giving enough to my family?) At the end of the day for you and I at least, we’re where we truly want to be – and that’s what keeps me going on the hard days.

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  4. sayhellonature says

    I love this post SO much. When we had our first, we were lucky enough to both be working for ourselves at home so it wasn’t this decision that had to be made. But we did have to decide who would be working less. I chose to because I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. We’re still working on a balance of work and family, but I am SO grateful for how much time I get to spend with her.

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  5. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 10 years! I was able to work part time until my third baby was born but have been thrilled to be able to stay at home!

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  6. I just recently got pregnant and I started my own block a week ago, please follow me :). I will be a stay at home mom and it’s very refreshing to have come across your blog site! I will continue to follow you! It is a sacrifice we moms make to stay home, some people don’t see that but it is a huge one but it is for our child or children. It’s so important that we see the benefits and even be recognized for staying home to raise our children.

    Best regards,
    Jessica-Lauren xo

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  7. Christie says

    Found you through Mother Nearest and just wanted to write that it helped so much to read about someone going through the same thing as me. I wanted so badly to be the “Oprah” or “Sheryl Sandberg” rather who has it all. The truth is nobody has it all and those who seem to are really just putting on a show for social media. Congrats on finding the right decision for your family. It’s a difficult decision and a sacrifice but your family and son will all be better for it.

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    • Hi Christie! I’m so glad this was able to help you. The struggle between motherhood and career is so real but finding balance (and what makes you happy) is key! I hope you’re able to find the right balance 🙂 and feel free to reach out if you ever need to chat with someone who gets it.

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  8. Lovely piece, but please don’t limit this to stay at home moms. While not a stay at home dad myself, it is something we considered for me and something I struggle with myself. Financially, it wouldn’t work for us and I lost count years ago of the days I wished it would, to have the satisfaction of having the one true “job” that matters most.

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